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Do you remember way back when you were just a little kid, and your parents would beat you mercilessly? No? No, they did a good job of making you forget all of that, didn't they?
Stop crying, you little bungsucker.
I should go on to point out that while AWfUL! Comics may be back, the exact meaning of such a sentiment really doesn't hold any weight by way of a promise of updates. Though you didn't need me to tell you that, did you? Sitting there, all high-and-mighty on your throne that you've fashioned out of your thousands of "Most updated website of the week" awards. Well I've got news for you, kid. There's no such award. That's right, take a closer look at all those "awards" you've been resting your flabby arse on every day. That's right, they're small children encased in plastic. Yeah, it's all fitting together now, isn't it? Every week, I've been kidnapping a child, encasing them in plastic and shipping them to you under the guise of an award. And you've been sitting on them. Nice work, arsehole.
Anyway, enjoy the comic.
Lucas "Strange Half-Justice" Heil
Co-Producer of AWfUL! Comics
Remember kiddo, "Santa Claus" is an anagram of "Satan Lucas".
Merry Christmas.
Now go on, your gift is over there, under the mistletoe with creepy old Uncle Walter.
Lucas "Baubles" Heil
Co-Producer of AWfUL! Comics
Halloween - one of the best times of year for Halloween parties.
For those ladies out there who are headed out to a Halloween party but still don't have a costume, I've compiled a list of suggestions you might want to consider:
Sexy nurse
Sexy cat
Sexy rabbit
Sexy cheerleader
Sexy French maid
Sexy ghost
Sexy dominatrix
Sexy zombie
Sexy dominatrix zombie
Sexy scientist
Sexy nudist
Sexy slut
Sexy Lucas-humper
Sexy wine expert
Sexy rape victim
Sexy Colonel Sanders
Normal Colonel Sanders
These are preferred, but you may like to be a bit more creative, and try combining some of them, such as:
Sexy cheerleader scientist
Sexy cat wine expert
Sexy dominatrix Colonel Sanders
Normal Colonel Sanders Lucas-humper
Sexy rape victim Colonel Sanders
And so on.
Anyway, Mazel Tov, and have a finger lickin' Halloween.
Lucas "Mrs Sanders" Heil
Co-Producer of AWfUL! Comics
Dear Diary,
Today I made a comic.
Help me.
Lucas "Sieg" Heil
Co-Producer of AWfUL! Comics
You've heard the saying "Beating a dead horse back to life", haven't you? No? Well it's time we brought that saying into common usage.
My name is Lucas Heil, and my Co-Pilot Tom Overend and I would like to welcome old friends and new to the freshly-revived website we once reigned supreme with. Finally back on the web due to constant nagging from our two fans, This is "AWfUL! Comics".
There are some kinks we're still working out, as the site has gathered a lot of dust in the three years that it has been sitting dormant. We'll get it tidied up as best we can over time, and hope you enjoy reliving those couple of really crappy comics you didn't bother to save to your hard drive due to them simply not being worth it in your naïve, young, inexperienced eyes.
Enjoy.
Lucas "Tom Overend" Heil
Co-Producer of AWfUL! Comics
Though it may not seem so, for the past five and a half years, AWfUL! Comics has been an absolutely massive part of our lives. Well, maybe not the last six months, but prior to that, it was a pretty big chunk of our "hobby time". We foresaw this day a long time ago, and have been living in a sense of semi-denial about it, but it's time to bite the bullet. AWfUL! Comics has reached the end of it's spin-cycle.
The early days of AWfUL! Comics were fun, simple times. Series 3, with the introduction of some form of ongoing tying-together plot was absolute hell for all involved, but it is definitely something with which we can look back on with a fairly confident sense of pride. But the slow trickle of comics has subdued to its last drop. It's time to put this baby to bed.
For those of you wishing to see what bigger and bolder endeavors we are stepping into, head on over to our new residence on the web at Heartless Corporation. Same comedy, now in MOTION!
The registration of our domain name here will expire someday soon, and these comics will be lost to the oblivion of cyberspace. Save them to your hard drive while you can. But we digress. It's time to move on, and fortunately, it's on to far bigger and better things for us. Thanks everyone.
It's been fun.
Lucas Heil & Tom Overend
Co-Producers of AWfUL! Comics